I walked and walked, looking for I don’t know what. A Job? A miracle? Happiness? The pot of gold at the end of some unseen rainbow? Knocking on doors and asking for work or just a bit of food like some beggar of old.
If it was just for me, I would starve! But I was responsible for getting her into this and bringing our daughter into this world that once did not seem so cruel. I had to keep going. I had to lower myself and do what needed to be done.
The day was cold and wet. A fog had settled over the countryside, but it didn’t matter I had to get to town and find something, some way.
Some of the doors I knocked upon along the way were slammed in my face and I could hear the comments coming from behind them as I hung my head and moved along. It was embarrassing, humiliating really, but I continued down the row.
At other houses the people might spare a bit of bread or a bag of rice. One person gave me a chicken, which I was so grateful for I almost cried. At the doors that slammed I simply had to remember the kindness of the one before and it helped strengthen my resolve.
As the day wore on I realized I had about 4 bags of food I was carrying. I felt that was enough for one day and, with great relief, chose to knock on no more doors.
Should I turn back and take the food to my beloved or move forward as planned to seek work.
I knew she was sitting at home starving but never showing a bit of it. I had never known such a strong woman in my life. Not a wimper or a frown. She simply smiles and continues on as if we were still a family with money and a respected place within society.
Never had I seen anyone accept the twisted circumstances that life had dealt so many of us with such grace and poise. Lucy simply kept moving forward and never missed a step.
Thankfully Alexis, our baby girl, was not old enough to understand or feel the affect of our sudden lack.
Even with the girls at home waiting for supplies I knew I must move on. A day or two of food is nothing compared to a job that would provide the necesities of life that one often does not think about when one has the ability to simply buy it at any time.
Toilet paper, for example, is a luxery at the moment that we have not always been able to obtain. I will not go into the unpleasant substitutions we have been forced to use at times but I’ll leave it to say that I have learned the value of certain goods that I know I once took for granted.
So I continued through the fog and the occasional misting of rain that would escape from a cloud as if some giant hand had just wrung it out for a moment.
A few more miles and I could see the edge of town. Maybe this was my pot of gold at the end of that invisible rainbow. Maybe here I could find hope and relief at last.
I admit, with a bit of hestitance, that a tear formed in my eye and escaped to roll down my cheek as I thought of the possibilities that lie ahead. I knew the chance of finding something was small, with circumstances being what they currently are, but there was hope and I allowed myself for a moment to remember how that felt.
written by: Cristalyn